Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
