I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
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