I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
