Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
