p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
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