I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize