history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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