I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
