I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
