I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
