my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Mom said you looked used
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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