don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
