my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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