She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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