I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
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