Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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