There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
