I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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