you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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