I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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