that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
You're breaking my sexual little heart
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
