Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
