Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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