Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
