so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
