He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
