you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Randomize
