Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize