I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
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