Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
