no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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