a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize