I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Randomize
