Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
