Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
