I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
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