why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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