remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
