You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
