11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
