my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Randomize
