He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize
