Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
