Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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