is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
