Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
