six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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