just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
