Don't make out with my wife yet
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Randomize
