That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
