just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize