carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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