he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
smell my finger.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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