so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
