what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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