Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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