Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
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