he was CRYING into my vagina
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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