I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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