Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
