dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
