i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
you had me at cake vodka
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
