I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
