if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize