She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
