do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
