Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
