I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
