I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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