So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
