it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
