In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Randomize
